The Scandinavian Insider

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Puzzled in Lund

Scandinavian Insider’s Hetti Kett gives advice and answers your burning questions on social customs in Sweden.

Dear Hetti,
In the UK, when I go out for drinks with friends, we take it in turn to buy a round, as this is considered convivial. Everyone knows when it’s “their round” and gets teased mercilessly if they try to wriggle out of it. In Sweden, there is obviously a different system in place, but I have yet to work it out. I will simply describe what happens: let’s say I go out to a local bar after work with three friends. I buy a round of drinks for all three of us. They say, “tack så mycket” and drink up. When they are ready for drink number two they go to the bar and buy their own!
As you can imagine, this feels a bit unfair; it is almost physically impossible for me to NOT buy a round, so strong is this aspect of my British beer-drinking culture. To buy my own drink and mine alone seems to destroy the conviviality of the occasion. Is there another way?
S.

Dear Generous,
I agree if there are three of you out together, it can seem like a great idea to buy a round each, as is your habit. But what if there are ten people in your group one evening? To keep things fair, everyone would have to have ten drinks, which is way too much by most people’s standards. Besides, have you had a close look at the price of alcohol in Sweden? Perhaps another reason why the Swedes have an “every-man-for-himself” approach at the bar is that buying a round of hard liquor might require some to re-mortgage their homes. And what if some are drinking “lätt-öl” while others are on imported cognac? That wouldn’t seem fair to these deeply egalitarian people. So they each take financial responsibility for their own drinking, and I suggest you do the same. After all, you’re there to enjoy each other’s company, not to create a financial cooperative to support your habit. Skål!

Dear Hetti,
I am one of just a handful of non-Swedes working for a large company in Lund. Over the last few months, in an attempt to get my social life off the ground (as well as a creating a more friendly and relaxed ambience at work) I have organised several nights out with my colleagues. They are always happy to be invited, come along and have a good time. I receive warm thanks for organising these events so am in no doubt that my efforts are appreciated. What I don’t understand is why none of my Swedish colleagues have taken the initiative to follow suit? I would love to be invited for a change! I use the word “organise”, but in fact all I’m doing is suggesting a time and venue where we can meet for drinks after work, so it shouldn’t be too much trouble. Should it?
Puzzled of Lund

Dear Puzzled,
You want company and a life after work; it makes sense to create the social occasions you suspect might not arise spontaneously. But you don’t have control over what others do, so if they don’t reciprocate, there is no point getting upset. Remember, if your colleagues are all locals, they probably already have a network of friends and family around them with plenty of social obligations. They may not feel the same need as you do to socialize with colleagues. If they responded positively to your initiatives, take it as a compliment and leave it at that. If you are tired of always making the first move, just stop. On the one hand, your colleagues might find they miss the jolly evenings you arrange and decide to plan the next one. On the other hand, they might not, in which case you could join a sports club, take up evening dance or pottery classes instead.

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Bewildered? Bothered? Simply send your questions to Hetti Kett at

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